The Law of Withdraw

  Ah, relationships!  In his book, Spiritual Reliability, Richard Seaman reminds us of a teaching taken from A Course In Miracles.  He says," One of the most profound quotes in my opinion is: ' The relationship is the classroom of the Holy Spirit.' "  I certainly have to agree.  If we take a moment to reflect on relationships that we have, we can see that others reflect back to us as we reflect back to them.  This happens on many levels obviously.  Sometimes, it's very overt.  For example, a close friend may point out things about your character--both good and bad.  A parent might teach you about handling your finances.  The list could go on.
  However, there is another level to this learning that we aren't always privy to.  That level is the intuitive or energetic level.  Within the scheme of the Universe, we are all connected.  So, when we enter into relationship with someone our energies become even more connected.  Have you ever had the experience of thinking about a friend and suddenly they call or you run into them somewhere?  I know that I have.  I have also noticed that the closer my relationship is with the person the more this happens.
  Recently, I have been trying to explain this and the words have failed me.  Today, what I realized is: I was trying to explain the "energy" of relationship and what I call the Law of Withdraw.  Simply, we all know when a friend or partner is distracted or distant.  However, what we don't often realize is that this knowing starts on an energetic level first.  I, also, realized that this has to do with presence in the relationship.  If one or both partners aren't being present with one another then the other partner will feel that.
  Life is full of distractions.  Distractions erode our ability to be present.  We can't fully be in the moment.  We can't fully give our all.  Perhaps, one partner is "married" to his job and can't leave that behind.  Maybe, one partner is constantly worried about money.  So, she can't give her full presence to the relationship.  Whatever the distraction, it will create a barrier within the relationship.  Now, that DOES NOT mean that the relationship is doomed.  It simply means that you are giving away some of your energy to other things.  This diminishes our spirit.  A partner will feel that.  Believe it or not.
  This is where the Law of Withdraw comes in.  If you are withholding energy from your relationship, they will feel it.  They may ask questions like: "what's wrong? You seem distracted."  Even though, you may not have done anything physically to signal this.  The true challenge of handling the Law of Withdraw comes when there are underlying issues in the relationship.  One partner may have become dissatisfied for whatever reason.  This dissatisfaction may lead them to begin an emotional bonding with another person. Rather than taking up the issue with their partner. In some cases it may lead to having an affair or a couple just drifting apart. No matter how innocent the action; because the other partner will feel that lack of connection.  And, when that connection is missing, your partner WILL feel it.
  So, this feeling may manifest in many ways.  Couples may begin arguing and fighting.  One partner may simply withdraw into an emotional shell.  Yet, in many cases, this feeling of withdraw results in jealousy.  I have had a few friends over the years come to me with suspicions that their partner was cheating on them.  In some instances, they were wrong.  When confronted, the other partner would confess that their job was the problem. Or, they were concerned about finances.  However, there have been times when the friend was right.  In both instances, one partner was feeling the energetic withdraw from the other person.  Now, once the withdraw is noticed and dealt with, the reasons for it have to be handled. (Which is another topic for another time.)
  Furthermore, to me this begs the question, "so how do I prevent this."  Remember earlier, when I mentioned presence?  I believe that is fundamental.  Learning to cultivate presence takes practice.  Since, the art of being present is, also, a spiritual principle, there are a great many books written on the subject.  So, I will refer again to Mr. Seaman's book, Spiritual Reliability.  He talks about and explains the four levels of "present-ness" as he calls them.  He, also, gives some advice on how to attain them using some very practical tools.
  For me, the long and short of it is this:  Listen to your Self.  Stay focused on the task at hand. Don't get lost in the past or worry about the future.  Give ALL of your energy to the dreams and desires that you hold dear--even your relationships.  Cultivate couples dreams as well as your own.  Check-in with your partner about their dreams.  We can all dream a great many things--both in relationship and individually.  Neither has to be exclusive.
  But, most importantly, BE present and BE love.  After all, you fell in love for a reason.
 





   



 

Meeting Divinity

  I've always been a spiritual person.  Growing up, I went to various churches off and on.  However, I never really found a place that I fit.  I feel that I was really fortunate to be born of parents that encouraged spiritual questioning.  In my early childhood their seeking fed my own curiosity and fulfilled my need to build a relationship with Divinity.  Yet, our family experience always seemed to lead to the same result.  We would attend a church for awhile.  Then, due to some turn of events--conflicts among the congregation, religious megalomania, or our own disagreements with the church's doctrine we would stop going.  However, my desire to know Spirit never diminished.  Somewhere inside me, I knew something about God.  Something that all of these other groups of people didn't.  Well, if they did, they never shared it with me.  This inner knowing spurred me onward.  It drove me to seek the Truth.
  So, it began--the journey of a lifetime.  One of the first things I realized was that I had some inner conflicts.  These conflicts put my mind into direct conflict with my soul.  I had been taught so many confusing things about God and my relationship to Him.  Things like, "He is merciful."  Yet, ready to smite you if you didn't follow the rules.  "God created us in His image."  Unless, you are different in some way.  Then, you are doomed to burn in hell.  This wasn't the divine being that I wanted to believe in.  Moreover, all of the teachings I had encountered made it pretty clear.  This was God and either you believed or you didn't.  I felt lost and doomed.  Yet, I held on to one question that desperately needed to be answered.  That question was:

"If God created me this way, and I love Him

so much, why would He create me to suffer

a lifetime.  Just to reject me at the end?"

None of it made sense to me.  It made my head reel and my soul scream for answers.  In her book, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Iyanla Vanzant says,

"The fullness of truth as related to the Divine

exists at the core of every living being."

I, of course, didn't encounter this teaching until much later in life.  Yet, even in my youth, I knew the truth of it.

  So, I kept searching.  I delved into philosophy and world religions.  All the while developing a personal relationship to Spirit.  I began to dialog with this Divine Being.  The more I opened up, the more I heard.  I began for the first time, to develop a friendship with "my God."  But, wait!  I wasn't "supposed" to do that.  Well, that's what I was lead to believe anyway.  So, I didn't talk about it.  I didn't stop.  I just didn't talk about it. I was already harboring secrets.  What was one more?  As this friendship developed, I began to see things change in my life.  I began to feel joy and see the beauty in things around me. Then, in my early teens, I encountered a 12 step program.  I learned many things in that time.

  However, the single most important thing I took away from that learning was that I COULD have a relationship with Divinity.  Furthermore, that relationship could be defined by me.  For the first time, someone said to me, "you can have a Higher Power of your choosing.  Whoa! Wait! What?  Suddenly, I felt that my inner knowing was affirmed.  The Universe, in the blink of an eye, became much more than what I had been taught.  I could reframe my beliefs about God and I didn't even have to call Him God?  It was a whole new ball game.  

  In retrospect, I realize that this was the movement of Spirit in my life.  My prayers and pondering were getting answers.  I still had a lot to reconcile.  But, it was a beginning.