The Law of Withdraw

  Ah, relationships!  In his book, Spiritual Reliability, Richard Seaman reminds us of a teaching taken from A Course In Miracles.  He says," One of the most profound quotes in my opinion is: ' The relationship is the classroom of the Holy Spirit.' "  I certainly have to agree.  If we take a moment to reflect on relationships that we have, we can see that others reflect back to us as we reflect back to them.  This happens on many levels obviously.  Sometimes, it's very overt.  For example, a close friend may point out things about your character--both good and bad.  A parent might teach you about handling your finances.  The list could go on.
  However, there is another level to this learning that we aren't always privy to.  That level is the intuitive or energetic level.  Within the scheme of the Universe, we are all connected.  So, when we enter into relationship with someone our energies become even more connected.  Have you ever had the experience of thinking about a friend and suddenly they call or you run into them somewhere?  I know that I have.  I have also noticed that the closer my relationship is with the person the more this happens.
  Recently, I have been trying to explain this and the words have failed me.  Today, what I realized is: I was trying to explain the "energy" of relationship and what I call the Law of Withdraw.  Simply, we all know when a friend or partner is distracted or distant.  However, what we don't often realize is that this knowing starts on an energetic level first.  I, also, realized that this has to do with presence in the relationship.  If one or both partners aren't being present with one another then the other partner will feel that.
  Life is full of distractions.  Distractions erode our ability to be present.  We can't fully be in the moment.  We can't fully give our all.  Perhaps, one partner is "married" to his job and can't leave that behind.  Maybe, one partner is constantly worried about money.  So, she can't give her full presence to the relationship.  Whatever the distraction, it will create a barrier within the relationship.  Now, that DOES NOT mean that the relationship is doomed.  It simply means that you are giving away some of your energy to other things.  This diminishes our spirit.  A partner will feel that.  Believe it or not.
  This is where the Law of Withdraw comes in.  If you are withholding energy from your relationship, they will feel it.  They may ask questions like: "what's wrong? You seem distracted."  Even though, you may not have done anything physically to signal this.  The true challenge of handling the Law of Withdraw comes when there are underlying issues in the relationship.  One partner may have become dissatisfied for whatever reason.  This dissatisfaction may lead them to begin an emotional bonding with another person. Rather than taking up the issue with their partner. In some cases it may lead to having an affair or a couple just drifting apart. No matter how innocent the action; because the other partner will feel that lack of connection.  And, when that connection is missing, your partner WILL feel it.
  So, this feeling may manifest in many ways.  Couples may begin arguing and fighting.  One partner may simply withdraw into an emotional shell.  Yet, in many cases, this feeling of withdraw results in jealousy.  I have had a few friends over the years come to me with suspicions that their partner was cheating on them.  In some instances, they were wrong.  When confronted, the other partner would confess that their job was the problem. Or, they were concerned about finances.  However, there have been times when the friend was right.  In both instances, one partner was feeling the energetic withdraw from the other person.  Now, once the withdraw is noticed and dealt with, the reasons for it have to be handled. (Which is another topic for another time.)
  Furthermore, to me this begs the question, "so how do I prevent this."  Remember earlier, when I mentioned presence?  I believe that is fundamental.  Learning to cultivate presence takes practice.  Since, the art of being present is, also, a spiritual principle, there are a great many books written on the subject.  So, I will refer again to Mr. Seaman's book, Spiritual Reliability.  He talks about and explains the four levels of "present-ness" as he calls them.  He, also, gives some advice on how to attain them using some very practical tools.
  For me, the long and short of it is this:  Listen to your Self.  Stay focused on the task at hand. Don't get lost in the past or worry about the future.  Give ALL of your energy to the dreams and desires that you hold dear--even your relationships.  Cultivate couples dreams as well as your own.  Check-in with your partner about their dreams.  We can all dream a great many things--both in relationship and individually.  Neither has to be exclusive.
  But, most importantly, BE present and BE love.  After all, you fell in love for a reason.